How to Pull More (and Better) – 5 Lessons in Generating Inner Magnetism

There’s pulling on a night out, and there is pulling as a way of being. 

Today’s topic is about the second type of pulling. So if it was dating advice you wanted, maybe wait a few weeks. Or read this

When it comes to pulling fortune and happenstance, attracting goodwill, and living a charmed life, there are things we can do to increase our magnetism. 

And luckily, none of it involves being manipulative, deceitful, fake, arse-kissing and inauthentic. 

A million yays!

The advice is summarized from the advice of spiritual teacher, and my current teacher and muse-in-Chief, Paramahansa Yogananda, in his book Journey to Self Realization.

Be warned: some of it is deceivingly difficult to do. 

Lesson 1: kindness to all, even in the face of open hostility 


(Nobody said building magnetism was going to be easy.)

Being the Queen – or King – of hearts starts with being kind. Even when people are being mean to our faces.  

Whenever we indulge ourselves by being unkind, we usually pay for it by making ourselves miserable. We feel guilty. We backtrack and apologize. Or maybe we’ll waste time and energy justifying our mean response in our minds to ourselves. 

Magnetism lesson 1 is simply being kind. For your own selfish reasons Click To Tweet

All of this is horrible for our nervous systems, whose well-functioning matters for our wellbeing a lot. 

So the advice is: no matter whom the brand of idiot is making your day, respond with kindness, and you’ll be happier for it.

In fact, the greater the levels of unkindness that you are shown, the more understanding you want to be. 

Lesson 2: work on your inner beauty, too


You know how people seem to get magically more attractive when you see how awesome they are (and how that works the opposite way around too)?

That’s what this lesson is about.

To be truly attractive, we must be attractive mentally and spiritually in addition to physically. 

“You can be looking at the most handsome man and most beautiful woman in the world…but when you lift the cover, you find nothing beautiful in the dead form within. If the spiritual qualities of our true soul-nature are dead, an attractive physical body is little more than a casket to hold the inner withered consciousness”.

Note that the yogi doesn’t suggest that we completely neglect our physical attractiveness:

“America seems very much a place where people concentrate on keeping up their outer image in order to hide their age. I have seen many people looking forty who were really sixty. And that is good. Why be careless and ‘let it go to pot’, as they say? Watch your weight. If your form is disproportionate, it is most likely due to laziness or overeating.”

Magnetism is built through developing inner beauty in addition to the outer kind Click To Tweet

But, he cautions:

“you have to give time to the inner self, too. I would rather be mentally attractive than physically attractive. But if I can be both, that is even better. 

We must learn to simplify the externals of our life and take time to beautify our inner self. That is the way to develop true magnetism.”

How to we get a more attractive inner self? Many, many ways. 

Perhaps some key things are developing traits such as self-awareness, self-acceptance, self-love, freedom from insecurity and courage

Lesson 3: turn your trials into triumphs


This lesson is a very popular one in the personal development circuit right now.

Author Ryan Holiday drew on ancient Stoic teachers to explain how the obstacle is the way. Mark Manson wrote about the feedback loop from hell: how pursuing pleasure and avoiding discomfort is – perversely – what is making us miserable.

Paramahansa recommends using each and every trial that comes to us as an opportunity to improve ourselves.

“A person who has not become stationary, but continues to change for the better – day after day, year after year – develops magnetism.”

What is the right attitude to take towards our suffering?

Lesson 3 is learning from crappy experiences Click To Tweet

Suffering, it seems, can teach us almost anything if we are willing to let it. Its lessons urge us to develop discrimination, self-control, non-attachment and morality. Oh and transcendent spiritual consciousness. 

All good things. 

Lesson 4: practice giving deep attention


As a friend of mine often says, “to be interested, be interesting”. This is, I think, what this lesson is getting at. 

When we learn to pour our attention into everything we do, we develop magnetism. 

Developing deep concentration also magnifies our magnetism Click To Tweet

From Paramahansa:

“Whenever you are with someone, be a good listener. By attentiveness, tune in with people who have those attractive qualities you wish to develop. If you want strength, mix with those who are strong. If you want to develop your business sense, be with businessman. If you want to develop all-powerful divine magnetism, mix with those who love God. You will develop much faster this way than if you merely read books on these subjects.”

We are the sum of the five people we spend the most time with. And that is across all life areas. 

So make sure you choose wisely.

Your magnetism is at stake. 

Lesson 5: put your mind on – um – God


Paramahansa talks about God a lot. But the God he refers to seems to be an aspect of ourselves: The God within us. 

I think the lesson here is about working to become self realized – to know ourselves as divine beings, divinely attracting and pulling towards us whatever it is that is needed for healing and growth. 

How do we come to know ourselves this way?

The main vehicle might be meditation. Meditation is what fosters a greater connection with our divinity. It is because when we meditate, we are deliberately shutting off our external stimulus and going within.

Meditating makes us more magnetic because it puts us in touch with our own divinity Click To Tweet

Meditation seems to be one of the most difficult habits to for us to learn. In addition, the results come slow.

When we practice it for a short time each day though, what we notice is an increasing mental and physical efficiency in life. 

And – ka-ching – magnetism. 



So to wrap up, the 5 ways we become more attractive and pull more:

  1. Practice kindness. Even when people are being mean. Actually, especially then.
  2. Don’t focus on outer beauty at the expense of developing inner beauty – being kind, loving, generous, compassionate, honest and courageous, etc. 
  3. Welcome adversity as your friend.
  4. Be freaking attentive.
  5. Recognize your own divinity through pondering your own greatness, as well as through meditation and solitude.