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Hey I was Hoping We Would Match

How dating app chat look might look if we dispensed with the niceties.

Hey, I was hoping we’d match.

I just moved into the area and I need some friends, fast! I’m sending this exact message to the five other girls I matched. As an ice-breaker, it has a lot going for it no?

Just – don’t write back asking ‘why?’, yeah. That’s going to be awkward for us both.

***

Hey – it’s rare that I swipe right 😉 I’m really picky. My life is so great, that a person has to be really awesome for me to want to date them. I mean, the last guy I dated was super hot, and he had the best job! He turned out to be a total jerk but – whatever. 

But you look so awesome! It’s rare for me to see someone as great as you on here.

So…why’d you match me haha?

***

Hello, how’s your week going? I’m at a bit of a loose end this weekend. Want to commence the psycho filtering stage?

***

Hey, how are you? You look successful and I’ve got expensive tastes. Want to take me to dinner? There’s a few places I’ve been meaning to try…

***

Hi. What are you in the market for? Your profile is giving off so many mixed signals, I feel dizzy just looking at it. 

Hi there.

I’ve noticed you around and I find you really attractive.

Admittedly, not so compelling that I’d have risked rejection to strike up a conversation IRL. Thank god for Tinder, eh?

Please reply. I don’t want to have to start going somewhere different for my morning skinny mocha. 

***

Hey I was hoping we’d match. Yes, I suppose I am flattering you but I probably wouldn’t pay too much attention.

Flattery is like chewing gum. Enjoy it, but don’t swallow it. 

***

Hi! You look lovely. I’m honor bound to tell you I’ve got three children. I appreciate that this might not work for you. Let me know? You really do look lovely. I like your smile!! xx

***

Hey, how are you? If you don’t talk back, I’m probably going to unmatch you.

Unless I think you’re really hot, then I probably won’t haha. 

***

Hey, I’m married. Is that going to be a problem?

***

Hey! I’m chasing the next exciting, shiny thing. Is it you? Will we have chemistry? Will sparks fly? From that naughty glint in your eye, the answer could be yes…XXX

***

Hey. I’ve been reading this article on GQ about how to trawl Tinder for sex, and come out winning. It told me I should play a passive role and wait for you to suggest it. So you won’t get any dick pics from me, but – just so you know – the sentiment is there haha. 

***

Hey I was hoping we’d match. I’m newly single, and ready to mingle!

My therapist suggested I should spend some time alone before getting back out there, but…it’s not like my ex and I were having much sex towards the end.

And anyway, she’s collecting the rest of her stuff from my apartment as we chat haha. 

Hello. You look a bit crazy…

I’ve had my fill of crazy women. They are like bees to honey with me. I just can’t take the drama anymore! 

You’re not crazy are you?

***

Hey, can we budge to 2pm today? I’m running late.

Okay you got me, I just wanted to double check you’re showing up. 

By the way, I have an ex I haven’t quite got over yet. I’ll find ways to talk about our experiences together during this date.

I haven’t spent much time reflecting on why it is that all of my relationships begin and end inside of 3 months. What can I say? I am a man that runs on passion.

***

Hey. I am involved in a new start up in the tech space. Wanna invest in my biz?

***

Send me your whatsapp? I don’t want to have to keep opening this app to talk to you, as the other women I am dating will see how prolific I am. 

***

Hey I was hoping we’d match. I’m attracted to you. Well, I will be – if you resemble your pics.

Let’s meet 🙂 Tuesday or Wednesday @ 7pm? You pick. 

***

Hey. I’m not looking for anything long term.

I’m moving to Barcelona soon. I was supposed to move back in April, but it hasn’t happened yet. The timings on the move are still hazy. Well actually, this is just my way of keeping control over this – whatever it is. My sense of self is that shaky.

Haven’t we met before?

Hey. You look like this hot girl I used to share an office building with. I used to fantasize about having sex with her on this desk. Anyway, you guys could be twins. Are you sure you don’t have a sister??

***

Hey, why are you single?! I mean, I’m attracted to you, and your profile makes you sound really fun. But there must be something wrong with you, otherwise you wouldn’t be on here. 

So…why are you single?!

***

Hey I was hoping we’d match. Are you Asian? Cool – all of my exes are Asian.

Not that I only date Asian girls. It just always winds up that way. 

***

Wow 1.5 miles away. We’re practically neighbors : – D

My flatmate is away this weekend, and I’m planning to boot up the projector for an evening of film and soft furnishings.

Fun plans this weekend?

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About Rezzan Hussey


Hi, I'm Rez, and this is my personal development blog! Brain training techniques, ancient teachings, personal transformation courses, self-development books - nothing's off the table here. I post twice per week. Stay and look around :)