Advice to my Younger Self (30 Things I’d Whisper in her Ear)

So you want my advice? Okay then.

Stop obsessing over your weight and other trivialities. Start being interested in the deeper meaning of things. There is a world beyond the immediacy of your experience. Take your focus to it every now and then.

Prioritize knowing yourself over pretty much everything

Pay attention to what your thoughts, and especially feelings, are telling you. There is a reason for everything you think and feel.

Make knowing yourself a priority Click To Tweet

You’ll fall in and out of love at least another 50 times. Resist the urge to make the disappointments into ‘the one that got away’. Nothing good ever does – or will. 

Make friends with your parents. Let them surprise you, and cut them some slack. They are only humans, and they are doing the best they can. 

Realize you won’t always feel the way you do about it, them, or pretty much anything. The sooner you can appreciate how temporary it all is, the sooner you’ll get that the nature of your mind is what determines the quality of your life. Nothing else. 

There are emotions that you’ve been ignoring for a long, long time. They are the reason behind the nagging restlessness you feel, and why you behave compulsively at times. Your ignored emotions will trip you up constantly until you expand to accept them. Try to figure out how you’re feeling right before you want to distract yourself. Wait for the answers to come. 

Relationships are hard, but not right at the beginning. If it’s hard at the beginning, that is a sign of things to come. 

Enjoy your beauty a bit more. 

Stop overthinking! Or at least cut down. 

Also cut down on making endless plans for the future. Your plans will come to nothing, because they lack self-insight. Develop a wider vision for your future based on your values, instead. 

Take responsibility for your actions. More important, take control of your perspectives. Nobody has the power to hurt you without your consent. This is enormously powerful. Remind yourself every day if you have to. 

Understand that your personality isn’t fixed. Develop your personal qualities. Care as much about this as you care about your physical muscles. Actually, care more.

Take time for yourself – force yourself to do it. Everyone needs to learn how to be alone to know who they are. Be in the habit of introspection. Focus on what interests you. Remember what life was like before you got sucked into standardized activities.

Learn to say no to people.

Every yes you give that you don’t mean is the same as saying no to yourself. You are not missing out on anything; your FOMO is a fiction. Trust me, you’ll have endless opportunities to get drunk of a weekend. Occasionally, go home on a Friday evening, and ask yourself how you feel about how you spent the last week of your life. Ask yourself how you’d feel if that was the last week of your life.

Experiment with your living. Switch things up all the time. Change your morning routine, and evening routine, and the way you work. Constantly change something. It’s how you figure out what works for you. 

Don't open a social media account - it'll add almost nothing to your life Click To Tweet

Do not open a social media account. Or open one, and use it sparingly. It’ll add almost nothing valuable to your life. Instead, it’ll encourage you to waste years of it in other people’s business. 

Stop assuming you know what other people think and feel. It’s one of your worst habits. You cannot ever know that. Make your peace with not knowing. 

Have humility. You don’t know anything about life. The sooner you realise that, the sooner you can let life instruct you.

Develop your EQ. Don’t just be satisfied with vaguely knowing how you’re feeling; get to know the tonalities. Being simplistic will make you simplistic. 

Say what you mean and mean what you say.

Your language is just noise otherwise. It loses all creative potential when you just vomit words from your mouth. 

Stop vomiting words from your mouth Click To Tweet

Make your peace with your mum. Your relationship isn’t destined to be difficult. You can change things completely, right now; it doesn’t need to take ten years. Let go of the idea that what happened was wrong. Stop being defined by the past. 

Keep being brave. Be even braver. Your courage is a strength and it’ll take you through some amazing experiences. 

Learn to quieten the chatter of your mind. It is key to your development. Get out of the gym, and practice yoga. Meditate. It will change everything.

Figure out your Enneagram type. Learn about psychological defense mechanisms. Know your attachment style. Stop moving through life so unconsciously. There is a reason for everything you do.

Keep reading. 

Stop using people. Listen to what they are saying without adding your own insecurities. And speak from your heart. Don’t just say what you think people want to hear. It’s another of your worst habits.

Notice when you’re projecting. It isn’t about other people; it’s about you and the parts of yourself that you have shut down. You’ll feel freer once you reclaim those parts. Also notice what makes you feel envious. Your envy is a huge clue pointing towards the woman you’re capable of being. 

Use the anger you feel more productively. It can tell you what you yearn for. 

Stop pining for male attention Click To Tweet

Stop pining for validation and attention, and start pining for a sense of purpose. Ask yourself what your skills are, and how you use them to serve other people. 

Appreciate that accepting yourself as you are won’t make self-improvement more elusive – it’ll make it more likely.