The four fearsome hurdles were coined by psychotherapist, teacher and writer, David Richo, in his book Past is Present, which also inspired last week’s post (about transference). The fearsome hurdles are four specific tensions that impact us all in relationships and life. These things are a given of life, and core issues in relationships. The […]
A Short Guide to ‘Transference’, the Relationship-harmer
Last weekend I was spending time at my boyfriend’s place. It was his birthday, so we had one or two social engagements, plus he was preparing for something important on a personal project. This meant he had less available attention than usual. As the weekend unfolded, I experienced an old wound reopening. A past unmet […]
How to Avoid taking things Personally
Is it ever useful to take other people’s words and behaviour personally? Nope. Clearly there is value in observing and acting upon the words and actions of others. That’s how you keep negativity out of your life, not to mention stay safe. However, taking something personally usually means getting angry, upset or righteous, and the […]
How to Overcome Irrational Jealousy
Jealousy is complicated. Although its involuntary nature can make jealousy seem biological, jealousy isn’t biological – it’s emotional. And like all difficult emotions, jealous occasions are opportunities to connect with deep unconscious fears, which can wind up orchestrating much of your emotional experience. In other words, your jealousy is an invitation to get to know yourself […]
‘Is it Friday yet?’
Is it Friday yet? The same masochistic question every day since Monday. I don’t wait until the weekends to enjoy myself. That is not my life. I want it to be Friday so I can leave this busy, noisy, polluted city I came to on a poorly informed whim. Change it to somewhere more pleasant […]
‘Now I Know Why You Did That’
Now I know why you did that. I know because I just watched myself doing the same thing, and I immediately made the connection. What is that they say about empathy? Something about walking a mile in someone’s shoes. I responded to your text late at night after he left, when I hadn’t thought about […]