“Shame is basically the ultimate form of gaslighting”, she said. Oh God, I thought. It stopped me right in my tracks. Gaslighting is one of those concepts that has brought me a lot of fun in conversations I have had with friends. Never has it occurred to me that I actually gaslight myself, but I often do. […]
Resourcing Ourselves through the Challenges of Visibility
I’ve been thinking about how we deal with the increased visibility that often accompanies personal expansion. When we change, and especially when that entails ‘branching out’ in some way, we open ourselves up to judgment and criticism. The prospect of that can be more than a little off-putting. I know that for me, I have […]
The Four Fearsome Hurdles in Relationships and Life
The four fearsome hurdles were coined by psychotherapist, teacher and writer, David Richo, in his book Past is Present, which also inspired last week’s post (about transference). The fearsome hurdles are four specific tensions that impact us all in relationships and life. These things are a given of life, and core issues in relationships. The […]
A Short Guide to ‘Transference’, the Relationship-harmer
Last weekend I was spending time at my boyfriend’s place. It was his birthday, so we had one or two social engagements, plus he was preparing for something important on a personal project. This meant he had less available attention than usual. As the weekend unfolded, I experienced an old wound reopening. A past unmet […]
How to Avoid taking things Personally
Is it ever useful to take other people’s words and behaviour personally? Nope. Clearly there is value in observing and acting upon the words and actions of others. That’s how you keep negativity out of your life, not to mention stay safe. However, taking something personally usually means getting angry, upset or righteous, and the […]
How to Overcome Irrational Jealousy
Jealousy is complicated. Although its involuntary nature can make jealousy seem biological, jealousy isn’t biological – it’s emotional. And like all difficult emotions, jealous occasions are opportunities to connect with deep unconscious fears, which can wind up orchestrating much of your emotional experience. In other words, your jealousy is an invitation to get to know yourself […]